Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
