He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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