A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
