I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
