I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
false alarm, still single
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