I'm eating all of the evidence.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is it because I queefed?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
