Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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