he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
