i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
