So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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