K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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