So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
