Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
