Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
