that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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