i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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