if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize