Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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