oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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