just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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