I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Randomize
