You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
