On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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