Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
PANTIES FOUND
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
