so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
