they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
