I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
