god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I AM VODKA MAN
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
