forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
