Just took my morning after pill in the library
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I love you. Go after that dick
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
