drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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