listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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