I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
