you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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