pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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