That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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