Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
