I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
