There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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