who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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