In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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