Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
