you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
