I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize