I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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