the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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