i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
