I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
