are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
