Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
