Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize