I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
