Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
