he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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