In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
