I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
People in love make me want to vomit
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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