Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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