You're my little dorito
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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