Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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