after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
