she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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