I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
