I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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