I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
