I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
