I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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