i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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