Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she told me i tasted like america
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I wear drunk well.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize