did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
