dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
