You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
