I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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