im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just made out with a guy for $7.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
