I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Randomize