Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think my fart just growled at me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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