I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
