He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
