ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
