You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
