Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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