i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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