After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
