Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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