people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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