what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize