Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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