john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
