I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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