I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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