I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
