from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he thought i was a dude.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I could make wine with my vomit
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize