Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
