I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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