If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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