lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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